


Sacrifice

by hippychick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode Fix-it, Episode s08e23, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Protective Dean Winchester, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 07:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11595675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippychick/pseuds/hippychick
Summary: My own fix-it coda for Supernatural Season 8, episode 23, Sacrifice.   The 'fix it' part is the first half of the story, leading up to the final scene between Sam and Dean in the Church (so the remaining dialogue is taken directly from the show).





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever (Published) fic.  
> I have not tagged for suicide because it does not happen in this fic. Sam is at the point however where he's not bothered about whether he survives or not so if this is a trigger for you, please do not read further.  
> I own nothing, yada, yada, yada...  
> 

“So?”

Just one word, just two simple letters but the weight they carried was indefinable.  The anguish behind them, the hurt, the anger, the feelings of betrayal, but worse than all of that put together?  The complete incomprehension in Sam’s voice that Dean would even care.

_“So?”_

How the hell had they gotten to this point?  Where had Sam even got the impression…

Dean closed his eyes briefly, feeling sick to his stomach on remembering some of the things he’d said to his brother earlier:

_“All right.  Well, I’m just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh…Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory…”_

He’d thrown these accusations in Sam’s face like a petulant child; things that should long ago have been done and buried or weren’t even Sam’s fault in the first place – like losing his soul.  It’s not like Sam _chose_ to come back wrong!  And letting Lucifer out?  Sam had only broken the last seal, Dean was responsible for the first and neither was their fault when you really thought about it since the forces of Heaven and Hell had been scheming against them.    

Dean looked at Sam, really looked and was almost brought to his knees by the overwhelming hopelessness on his little brother’s face; the face of someone who thought they had nothing left to live for.   Those damn puppy dog eyes of his, pleading to let him just do this; close the gates of hell once and for all and sacrifice his own life in the process because at this point, he clearly thought his own life wasn’t worth a damn.

Not on Dean Winchester’s watch.   Not. Going. To. Happen.

Dean knew he’d dropped the ball on this one.  He’d been so focused on Sam’s physical ailments as a result of the trials he’d completely missed the signs leading up to this point.  He wished he could say it was all due to the challenge of the trials but now that Dean was laser focused on Sam, he knew without any doubt his brother had been suffering for a while; most likely the entire time Dean had been in purgatory.  Dean was certainly no psychologist but he knew his little brother like the back of his hand and if he was to hazard a guess, he’d say Sam hitting that dog was probably the breaking point.  It would certainly explain why he’d dropped completely off the radar.  Dean could kick himself, and probably would later, but right now, Sam needed his big brother to step up to the plate.      

“Look at him.” Sam was saying, gesturing to Crowley.  “Look at him!  Look how close we are!  Other people will die if I don’t finish this!”

“Think about it.” Dean said “Think about what we know, huh?  Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell ganking a Hellhound!  We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here.  But I can’t do it without you…”

“You can barely do it with me!” Sam shouted, “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try.  You think I need a… _chaperone_ , remember?”

Dean shook his head, “Come on, man.  That’s not what I meant.”

“No, it’s _exactly_ what you meant.  You want to know what I confessed in there?  What my greatest sin was?” Without waiting for an answer, Sam continued, “It was how many times I let you down.  I can’t do that again.”

“Sam…”

“What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again?  I mean who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me?  Another angel, another… another _vampire_?   Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just…” Sam cried, tears spilling down his face.

“Hold on, hold on!” Dean was getting desperate now.  He could feel Sam slipping away from him, “You seriously think that?  Because none of it… none of it… is true.  Listen, man, I know we’ve had our disagreements, okay?  Hell, I know I’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels.  But, Sammy…come on!  I killed _Benny_ to save you.  I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you.  Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!  It has never been like that, ever!  I need you to see that.  I’m begging you.” 

Dean waited, watching his brother, wanting desperately to go to him but needing Sam to want this on his own.  It felt like there was nothing else in the world that mattered except the two of them, this moment and the next few heartbeats that would determine Sam’s fate.

“How do I stop?”

Dean released the breath he’d been holding on a relieved sigh.  He could do this.  He could take it from here.

**Author's Note:**

> I love both Sam and Dean and my intention with this fix-it isn't to bash one brother over the other. They both have done things at some point during the longevity of the show that make me want to knock their heads against each other but deep down I know they love each other and have proven time and time again they would do anything for each other. This is simply how I saw this particular episode and the events leading up to it throughout the season.


End file.
